Current mood-Mood swings... Uncertain...
Current song in head-Goo Goo Dolls-Better days....
Current game in PSP-Spiderman 3
Currently, sooo trying to write lyrics, but failed much.... Writer's block maybe....
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Sarcastic much...........
Mr.Irwan: There is a difference between sexual preferences and third gender... (Look at me).....
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Jibberish.......
(5 packet of Nescafe instant coffee)+(500ml of hot water)=10 hours of adrenalin rush! Awesome!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Somehow and surely... I realise....
Somehow, I finally understand what you went through for me last time.... The pain must have unbearable sometimes, but knowing you, and knowing you too well, back then, you must have clenched your fist through it....
Somehow, I understand what the pain must have felt back then for you, as it's what I'm facing now too....
Somehow, I finally understand how selfless you been for me back then....
I don't know how to thank you enough.... For being there for me back then... Pulling me up while I was going spiralling downward.. Answering all my phone calls even it's 2 in the morning and listening to me crying about the same thing over and over again for 6 months...
Listening to me crying over a girl while it hurts you..
I somehow, began to realise the sacrifices that you have done for me and it took me soooo long to finally see it...
I somehow, began to realise what relief it was for you back then, when I finally said "I noticed you", as it is also what I long for now...
Somehow, and more of surely, I'm sorry, for being a blind selfish jerk to you back then...
I'm sorry for the pains I put you through and thank you, for being selfless to me... I would do nothing to change the great times we had together...
Somehow, I understand what the pain must have felt back then for you, as it's what I'm facing now too....
Somehow, I finally understand how selfless you been for me back then....
I don't know how to thank you enough.... For being there for me back then... Pulling me up while I was going spiralling downward.. Answering all my phone calls even it's 2 in the morning and listening to me crying about the same thing over and over again for 6 months...
Listening to me crying over a girl while it hurts you..
I somehow, began to realise the sacrifices that you have done for me and it took me soooo long to finally see it...
I somehow, began to realise what relief it was for you back then, when I finally said "I noticed you", as it is also what I long for now...
Somehow, and more of surely, I'm sorry, for being a blind selfish jerk to you back then...
I'm sorry for the pains I put you through and thank you, for being selfless to me... I would do nothing to change the great times we had together...
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Light after darkness......
Had an awesome prayer meeting last night.... Went for it, not expecting anything, but went home, feeling like I'm the most blessed man on earth....
I had a really dark moment recently, (It's rather private to share...), and there were tons of hurts and burden which I don't understand and am overwhelmed by it...
The hurts I had, the way I deal with it, is I would just pretend I am not affected by it, and show you the "watever" look... That way of dealing with pains, it feels safe and secure... It feels like a good barrier.. until all of that pains catches up with you.... Used to think they don't affect me anymore and that I am over most of it, but heck, I was wrong...
Add that, with the recent hurts I have, I just want to give up... I used to think I am strong, but I just came to a point that I don't think I am not at all..... Was gonna ask Hannah if i am insane or anything....
Before prayer, I have this sudden image of how my heart looks like... It's soo badly bruised and cut.... I refuse to look at it and refuse to acknowledge it...
And Daniel shared about Elijah... How tired Elijah felt and how he just lay under the tree and tell God to take over....
Again, I refuse to acknowledge it....
Then came prayer... Halfway through prayer, Daniel said, he sensed that the spirit wants to heal someone here and it's an emotional hurt.... I caved in..... I just collapse... I knew it was God and I can no longer run away.... I knew that God just came specially for me....
All the hurts, pains, and countless time, where I chooses to stay strong despite being hurt so badly, so that I can be there for someone, all the betrayal and rejections was revealed before me... It just lay there, bare and out in the open for me to see....
I just caved in..... It was a good half an hour of moment.... I wasn't planning to write about this.... I mean, it's after all, kinda personal.... But, last night just left such a strong presence in me, that I just cannot deny it...
and this song, came to me, while i was falling asleep last night.... Don't even remember the title, and surely don't remember me singing it for worship.... But it came to me.. and googled it... and this song, sounds like any other Hillsongs songs we sing in Youth worship, except, it speaks so strongly of how I feel at the moment.....
I had a really dark moment recently, (It's rather private to share...), and there were tons of hurts and burden which I don't understand and am overwhelmed by it...
The hurts I had, the way I deal with it, is I would just pretend I am not affected by it, and show you the "watever" look... That way of dealing with pains, it feels safe and secure... It feels like a good barrier.. until all of that pains catches up with you.... Used to think they don't affect me anymore and that I am over most of it, but heck, I was wrong...
Add that, with the recent hurts I have, I just want to give up... I used to think I am strong, but I just came to a point that I don't think I am not at all..... Was gonna ask Hannah if i am insane or anything....
Before prayer, I have this sudden image of how my heart looks like... It's soo badly bruised and cut.... I refuse to look at it and refuse to acknowledge it...
And Daniel shared about Elijah... How tired Elijah felt and how he just lay under the tree and tell God to take over....
Again, I refuse to acknowledge it....
Then came prayer... Halfway through prayer, Daniel said, he sensed that the spirit wants to heal someone here and it's an emotional hurt.... I caved in..... I just collapse... I knew it was God and I can no longer run away.... I knew that God just came specially for me....
All the hurts, pains, and countless time, where I chooses to stay strong despite being hurt so badly, so that I can be there for someone, all the betrayal and rejections was revealed before me... It just lay there, bare and out in the open for me to see....
I just caved in..... It was a good half an hour of moment.... I wasn't planning to write about this.... I mean, it's after all, kinda personal.... But, last night just left such a strong presence in me, that I just cannot deny it...
and this song, came to me, while i was falling asleep last night.... Don't even remember the title, and surely don't remember me singing it for worship.... But it came to me.. and googled it... and this song, sounds like any other Hillsongs songs we sing in Youth worship, except, it speaks so strongly of how I feel at the moment.....
Hillsong-Came to my rescue
Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek Your Face
Lord all I am is Yours
My whole life I place in Your Hands
God of Mercy humbled I bow down
In your Presence at Your Throne
CHORUS:
I called, You answered
And You came to my rescue and I
Wanna be where You are
In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high
My tuition class...
My students say the darnest things most of the time... 9 year old students and boy, they are a bunch of clowns that spawned from Kedah Road (It's the name of the street they all mostly live in)...
To quote the few memorable moments I have with them, here are the few jokes that wasn't meant to be funny, but ended up being funny to me... Mind you, I am a teacher, and am not suppose to laugh at their jokes in class... So, I have to clench my fist and hold it in.... And it's translated from BM...
Joke 1
Me: So, perempuan (woman), what does academy means?
Student 1: Academy? Akademi fantasia?
Academy Fantasia, by the way, is a Malay version of American Idol.....
Joke 2
Student 1: Cikgu (teacher)! I don't know this one...
Me: Don't know........
Student 1: Cikgu jahat.... (Teacher bad)....
Joke 3
Me: Duk bising lagi, nanti aku baling kamu keluar dari tingkap!
(Make more noise some more; I'll throw you out through the window later!)
Student 1: Baling lah, tak takut pun...... Tak lawak pun.....
(Throw lah... Not scared also...... Not funny also....)
Joke 4
Student 1: Cikgu ni, rambut macam kena electrik......
(Teacher, your hair looks like you got shocked by electric...)
Joke 5
Me: Growy, show me you hand now! Gonna cane you for sure!
Student 1: Aiyoyo, Lord Muruga!
(Muruga is a deity in Hindu's belief)
So, safe to say, these clown spawns can sometimes make my day and can somehow give me high blood pressure.....
To quote the few memorable moments I have with them, here are the few jokes that wasn't meant to be funny, but ended up being funny to me... Mind you, I am a teacher, and am not suppose to laugh at their jokes in class... So, I have to clench my fist and hold it in.... And it's translated from BM...
Joke 1
Me: So, perempuan (woman), what does academy means?
Student 1: Academy? Akademi fantasia?
Academy Fantasia, by the way, is a Malay version of American Idol.....
Joke 2
Student 1: Cikgu (teacher)! I don't know this one...
Me: Don't know........
Student 1: Cikgu jahat.... (Teacher bad)....
Joke 3
Me: Duk bising lagi, nanti aku baling kamu keluar dari tingkap!
(Make more noise some more; I'll throw you out through the window later!)
Student 1: Baling lah, tak takut pun...... Tak lawak pun.....
(Throw lah... Not scared also...... Not funny also....)
Joke 4
Student 1: Cikgu ni, rambut macam kena electrik......
(Teacher, your hair looks like you got shocked by electric...)
Joke 5
Me: Growy, show me you hand now! Gonna cane you for sure!
Student 1: Aiyoyo, Lord Muruga!
(Muruga is a deity in Hindu's belief)
So, safe to say, these clown spawns can sometimes make my day and can somehow give me high blood pressure.....
I'm not over you.... Just yet...... Will be, in time....
Awesome! Sorry... Sudden random outburst....
Awesome! Sorry... Sudden random outburst....
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Awesome jokes!
"Angry Chinese people...."
-Mark James-
Mark said this while we were angry at something last night... Stunned the whole table...... Awesome...
-Mark James-
Mark said this while we were angry at something last night... Stunned the whole table...... Awesome...
Monday, August 10, 2009
A lil" darker?
Any idea how nice is it, to disappear sometimes?
Just.... disappear.... No worries, no heartbreaks,......no attachments....
Hehe... I'm sounding depress now.... Honestly... I have no idea if I am depress... I'm ranting and allow me to do so... Don't get me wrong.. It's not that I don't have close friends who I can rant to; but it's just, I feel like I'm suppose to take this journey, all by myself...
Many a times, when I look back; the best lessons I learned, are the ones where I undertook the journey without me realising there it's a journey.... Hehe... trying to sound a little deep and profound, but hey, it's how I picture it and am trying my best here to explain it to you..
So, if you are wondering, "what in the blazes is this guy talking about? Journey and all"; then.. allow me to describe it further without revealing too much... This is after all, public....
Veen Dee, today, said a couple of things to me.... And blasted, that girl does make sense.. "How far would you go for someone you have fallen for?" was one of those questions we talked about.. Fact is, I would go very very very very far.... Not talking about giving your body, mind you, but more of,... uhm, pretending that you are not hurt when that someone hurt you... Pretending that you are strong and always there for someone, while you are tired and weak...
This is, beyond that electric tingling feeling that you get when you are with that someone or that goosebumps feeling that you have when that someone whispers into your ears.... No... This is beyond that....
I'm not saying, ignore all that physical attractions or reactions, but trust me and take it from me, if you have ever been committed into a really long term relationship before, all those, will fade away in time... All those, won't matter, when you are arguing or trying to sort out personal differences or when you are deciding if this relationship is gonna last...
So, I told Veen Dee, that I would go very very far for that someone, and that someone will no doubt hurt me and all, but that's what happen if you have fallen for someone....
However, what Dee said in return was much more astounding and profound... "Yes.. It's good if you are willing to go that far for someone.... But the question for you now is, not a matter if you are willing to go that far, but more of, is that person worth your willingness to go that far."
Like I said, blasted, that girl does knock some senses into my head sometimes...
So, my journey, if you are still wondering and still reading (It's amazing that you are still sticking around to finish this), is about to learn to take a step back and breath.... I have done enough... Not for myself, but I have done enough... This is gonna be my lesson learnt, sealed and filed within me.. For once, I hope, I have not hurt myself too bad.... I like what Joe Jonas said to Nick Jonas, on the first episode of their new series, "JONAS" and bloody yes, I watched that series.... Sue me... Joe said, to Nick, "You always fall too fast and too quick... And you get yourself hurt..."
Ok, I see your point now; can't believe i just qouted Joe Jonas...
Just.... disappear.... No worries, no heartbreaks,......no attachments....
Hehe... I'm sounding depress now.... Honestly... I have no idea if I am depress... I'm ranting and allow me to do so... Don't get me wrong.. It's not that I don't have close friends who I can rant to; but it's just, I feel like I'm suppose to take this journey, all by myself...
Many a times, when I look back; the best lessons I learned, are the ones where I undertook the journey without me realising there it's a journey.... Hehe... trying to sound a little deep and profound, but hey, it's how I picture it and am trying my best here to explain it to you..
So, if you are wondering, "what in the blazes is this guy talking about? Journey and all"; then.. allow me to describe it further without revealing too much... This is after all, public....
Veen Dee, today, said a couple of things to me.... And blasted, that girl does make sense.. "How far would you go for someone you have fallen for?" was one of those questions we talked about.. Fact is, I would go very very very very far.... Not talking about giving your body, mind you, but more of,... uhm, pretending that you are not hurt when that someone hurt you... Pretending that you are strong and always there for someone, while you are tired and weak...
This is, beyond that electric tingling feeling that you get when you are with that someone or that goosebumps feeling that you have when that someone whispers into your ears.... No... This is beyond that....
I'm not saying, ignore all that physical attractions or reactions, but trust me and take it from me, if you have ever been committed into a really long term relationship before, all those, will fade away in time... All those, won't matter, when you are arguing or trying to sort out personal differences or when you are deciding if this relationship is gonna last...
So, I told Veen Dee, that I would go very very far for that someone, and that someone will no doubt hurt me and all, but that's what happen if you have fallen for someone....
However, what Dee said in return was much more astounding and profound... "Yes.. It's good if you are willing to go that far for someone.... But the question for you now is, not a matter if you are willing to go that far, but more of, is that person worth your willingness to go that far."
Like I said, blasted, that girl does knock some senses into my head sometimes...
So, my journey, if you are still wondering and still reading (It's amazing that you are still sticking around to finish this), is about to learn to take a step back and breath.... I have done enough... Not for myself, but I have done enough... This is gonna be my lesson learnt, sealed and filed within me.. For once, I hope, I have not hurt myself too bad.... I like what Joe Jonas said to Nick Jonas, on the first episode of their new series, "JONAS" and bloody yes, I watched that series.... Sue me... Joe said, to Nick, "You always fall too fast and too quick... And you get yourself hurt..."
Ok, I see your point now; can't believe i just qouted Joe Jonas...
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